 I’ll be participating this weekend in Life, the Universe and Everything 30, the long-running SF symposium in Utah County. (For the 30th anniversary, BYU did something special: kicked them off campus! LTUE this year will be hosted at Utah Valley University, and I hope the BYU gimboids who lashed out at that nasty, nasty sci-fi stuff will drown in their own fetid bile.)
Here’s my schedule:
Thurs 7pm:
-100 Story Ideas in an Hour. Come see how easy it is to come up with workable ideas. (w/ Lesli Muir Lytle, Jaleta Clegg, and Dan Wells)
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See a novel lose its reader’s respect before your very eyes!
I’m not overly enamored of the subgenre of “lawman chases serial killer,” but I will read one if it comes well recommended. This was a passable, entertaining novel for much of its length, although there were avenues of obvious investigation and just as obvious clues that weren’t being followed, a sign that the author is “railroading” his characters where he wants them.
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 So the guards sent to execute Flash are shocked when he suddenly disappears just as their fingers are on their triggers. So shocked that they simply run from the room! Not that I’d expect them to have a contingency plan for such an occurrence, but “run away like little girls” should never be one’s default reaction.
But everything’s fine, as Zarkov reveals. Because — wait for it — he’s just discovered a ray that can turn human beings invisible. And he decided to use that walking blond gonad, Flash, as a guinea pig because Flash is always having women throw themselves at his feet. Wait, that’s not the reason he states. But you could certainly make a case that it’s the subtext. A simmering pot of undisclosed grievances and neuroses, is Dr. Zarkov.
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  In describing last week’s cliffhanger, I failed to mention one interesting fact: When the sound of the gong awakens the Fire Dragon and Aura’s men drop Flash’s stretcher and run away, Princess Aura screams.
I mention this because, as far as I recall, this is the first time Aura has done so. Dale does it once an hour on the hour, but Aura? Not so much. But it’s a pretty respectable scream as such things go, and it just demonstrates that Aura is equal to or better than Dale in just about every department. Aura is proactive, gutsy, clever, can scream well (on those rare occasions when she is called upon to do so), and has a bigger bust. About the only thing that Dale has going for her is that she’s a better blonde. And she’s damned cute. And less evil. So if those things matter to you, I guess…
Anyway. Flash’s friends all catch up (not hard to do, when all of the bearers have gone scampering, and there’s a Fire Dragon blocking the path anyway), and the ever-resourceful Dr. Zarkov… pulls a grenade from his belt and throws it. The hell? Does Zarkov walk around packing all the time? Did he somehow suspect trouble today, the kind that would be best solved with explosives? I dunno. All I know is one good throw, and there are suddenly bits of Fire Dragon raining everywhere.
So Aura’s escape through the Tunnel of Terror with her boytoy fails, but next thing we know, it’s time for Flash and Barin to receive their rewards and choose their brides, and as Aura gleefully tells Ming, Flash’s memory is completely gone.
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I’ve read two of my friend Dave Butler’s unpublished/on the market novels, which are terrific alternate-history epics (one is a “black powder fantasy” in a magical America, the other is steampunk Mormons). Hellhound on My Trail is different in these ways:
- It’s shorter, just under 37,000 words, meant to be the first installment in a serial adventure (“Rock Band Fights Evil”).
- It’s set in the present-day real world.
- It’s available as an ebook to y’all, not just those of us lucky enough to be Dave’s personal friends.
Written, I believe, by Mike Kupari (co-author of Dead Six with Larry Corriea) and passed along by Brad Torgersen, Writers of the Future winner. (Salty language, for which I do not apologize. I didn’t write it, but I agree with it.)
You didn’t care when the government decided it could spy on you without a warrant. You didn’t care when they started telling you what you could eat. You didn’t care when your kids’ education was turned into indoctrination. You didn’t care when they were more worried about military veterans than Islamic terrorists. You didn’t care when they spent so much money that our entire economic system may collapse. You didn’t care when they gave billions of your money to unions and corporations that were their political contributors. You didn’t care when inert cosmetic features on guns were felonies. You didn’t care when they made it a fucking crime to not have government approved health insurance.
Me: That external drive doesn’t sound good.
Computer: Which one?
Me: The F: drive. It’s clicking.
Computer: It’s fine.
Me: It sounds ominous.
Computer: It’s always been kind of noisy, though. Anyway, I’m running Windows 7, so I’m always right. It’s fine.
Me: Could you check, though?
Computer: Okay, I’ll check. … It’s fine.
Me: I’d hate to lose it. All my image files are on there, and a bunch of other stuff. And I don’t have space on one of my other drives for a full backup.
Computer: Quit worrying, will you?
[originally published 05/27/06 at Saturday Action Matinee]
 One of the most notorious failings of serial features is the “recap cheat.” Each new chapter begins with the last few seconds of footage from the last one, to refresh the audience’s memory of what was going on when we got cliffhung. The cheat occurs when the recap includes information which wasn’t there when we first saw the scene last week, usually related to how the hero escapes the seemingly deadly circumstances with which we ended. (Radar Men From the Moon (1952) is one of the worst offenders in this regard; practically every chapter ends with a seemingly-deadly explosion, and practically every following chapter starts by showing us how the hero or heroes managed to bail out just in time…)
Up until now, Flash Gordon has managed to avoid this cheap little contrivance, but it’s such a tempting little ploy… So in this week’s recap, while Flash tussles with the orangopoid, Princess Aura leans in close to the High Priest of Tao and asks him about the secret weakness of the orangopoid. He replies that its single vulnerable spot is ever-so-conveniently located under the white spot of fur at the ape’s throat. With that, Aura grabs a spear from a guard, marches down onto the arena floor (Wait! And this doesn’t run afoul of, like, some rule or something?) and hands the spear to Flash with instructions. One stab later, and it’s all over but the mopping up.
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